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OUR FEATURED ARTICLE ...
How to
Help a Parent Who Refuses Homecare
When you start to see signs that your aging
parent may need in-home care, it is important that you
approach the topic in a manner that will not put your parent
on the defensive. Even when you are careful in your approach,
however, some parents will flat out refuse to allow anyone to
come to their home to help them with cleaning, shopping,
driving or personal care.
Here are some tips for dealing with a parent
who refuses homecare that you think they need.
Make it About YOU
When talking to your parent about homecare,
put the focus on how it will help you rather that how it will
help them. For example, you could say “You know how silly I
get with worry. It would make me feel better to know that
someone was making sure you take your medicine” or “Sometimes
it’s hard to get away from work to take you shopping. It
would be great to have another person to help out once in a
while”.
Some parents will be more responsive to
homecare when you talk about how it will help YOU rather than
how it will help them.
Don’t Call it Homecare
Another tip is to avoid using terms that may
make your parent feel dependent on someone else. For example,
avoid terms like “homecare” and “nursing assistant”. Instead,
say “help with cleaning up” or “someone to cook for you.” For
some parents, this will make the help seem more like hiring a
housekeeper than bringing in someone to care for them because
they can no longer do it. This can make the idea more
palatable to those who are having trouble accepting that they
might need help.
How You Say It Matters
What you say is important, but HOW you say it
can be even more important. Even if you are frustrated with
what you perceive as your parent’s stubbornness, you must
tread lightly. Yelling, begging, threatening or talking down
to your parent is not the way to go.
The Golden Rule should be applied here: Treat
others the way that you want to be treated. Later in your
life, when you need help, how would you want someone to talk
to you? THAT is how you should talk to your parent.
Enlist Others to Fight Your Battle
For all of your good intentions, it is
important to keep in mind how your parent views you: as their
child. Taking advice from you may be more difficult than from
another person. For that reason, it is a good idea to enlist
help from others who can subtly – or not so subtly – talk to
your parent about the benefits of accepting homecare.
You may seek help in this way from your
parent’s friends, doctor, older relatives or religious
leader.
The older friends and relatives could,
perhaps, discuss how great it has been having someone come
and help them. Seeing that others are getting help may make
your parent more open to it. Religious leaders could talk
about the merits of accepting help when needed and of taking
some of the burden off of the children.
You might be surprised how quickly someone
else will be able to convince even the most stubborn parent
to accept help.
It is never easy helping to care for an aging
parent. The task is made even more difficult when a parent
refuses homecare. Use the tips above and be patient. Your
parent is going through a lot emotionally during this time
and your understanding can go a long way to help during this
transition.
Useful Senior Health and
Home Care Links:
Caring Solutions provides the following links
to other senior health and home care sites we believe you may find useful:
AARP
American Association of Retired Persons provides resources
and advice to seniors for finances, travel, health, and technology.
Alzheimer's Foundation of America
An excellent resource for
information on Alzheimer's disease and care options.
American Health Assistance Foundation
AHAF is one of America's leading supporters of scientific and
medical investigations into Alzheimer's Disease, Glaucoma,
Macular Degeneration, Heart Disease, and Stroke.
California Association for Health Services At Home
(CAHSAH)
California's statewide home care association. CAHSAH
certifies home care aide organizations that meet its
standards.
CareMinds
Sharing the wisdom of elder
care.
Certified Senior Advisors
The Society of Certified Senior Advisors seeks to protect the
interests of seniors and assist those who serve them in their
professional development.
Dementia Care Professionals of America
A professional
organization and branch of the Alzheimer's Foundation of
America that promotes the highest standards in the care of
people with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias.
Health and Age.com
An educational web center to promote interaction between the
public and healthcare professionals.
National Private Duty Association
The voice of private duty home
care, this national organization promotes quality home care
through advocacy and education.
National Association of Area Agency on
Aging
N4A's primary mission is to build the capacity of its members
to help seniors and persons with disabilities live with
dignity and choices in their homes and communities.
Walnut Creek Chamber of Commerce
As a member of
the Walnut Creek Chamber of Commerce, we support our local
business community.
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